You can learn a lot about a person... if you're willing to actively listen.
These are some of the signals we look for as coaches, but there's so much more ... AND SO MUCH LESS to coaching than I'd ever imagined. In a number of our ICF certified courses we role play as "client" and "coach".
The less is simply making eye contact and listening. If you’re the kind of coach that ‘just has to participate’ then you can use mirroring phrases like “you were surprised?” “That bothered you?” in cases where the client said, “I was surprised that she would do that to me!” Or “I was bothered when he ate the last piece of cake.” (Actually, in the latter I might mirror by saying, “The last piece of cake?!”
In any resolve, there’s a lot of silence in the coaching process. As coaches we are to be catalysts and efficient tools to assist the client in finding their own “forward-looking solutions”. We’re not therapists or pastors or social workers… we are not certified or trained for that kind of work, and as such we are certified to help the client source their own solutions and has a plan of action to move forward. That’s our job, and to do our job well we have to cultivate silence. Silence is needed so the client can reflect on their own words, feelings, and sense of self. It helps them coach themselves to or through a transformation!
During my role-play as coach, I listened to “Jane” (not her real name). Jane had moved to a new (but old) town. She wanted to be closer to parents and childhood friends, but she left home for a reason. She wondered, “is this it?!” Home was boring. She was accustomed to traveling and expressing herself across the midwest and southwest parts of the country. What should she do? What’s next? How can I make this old place my new home?
I was silent for the most part. I was listening and taking it all in. I did 1-2 probing questions, but I can say, … The silence takes a little getting used to… I did feel closer to Jane. Sure, other team members were listening in, but at one point I forgot about everyone… except Jane. The volume of understanding Jane increased and soon she was the only person I cared for (at this time).
After our session we conversed on feedback. My feedback came via a reactive utterance. I blurted out. “You know, you can learn a lot about people if you’re quiet and let them talk.” I know… I know… that’s the simplest well known truth, right? But...
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I have a journey in front of me... As I listen to myself, I can hear myself say, "I think we're going to like this coaching journey..." It's amazing the things you can hear when you're willing to listen.
executive career coaching
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